The Importance of Self-Care in the Grief Journey

Introduction 

After the death of a life partner, it is crucial to prioritise self-care in the beginning stages of the grieving process and beyond. This practice of taking care of ourselves will help with healing and transitioning from grieving to thriving. 

Taking care of ourselves involves tending to our body, mind, and spirit to help us navigate the obstacles we encounter and work towards living our best life. It involves engaging in activities that bring comfort and peace, allowing us to find balance. 

Self-care is a lifeline, providing moments of solace, strength, and rejuvenation during difficult times. It is essential to prioritise our own needs, acknowledge our emotions, and participate in healing practices with compassion towards ourselves. 

It is about recognising the physical and emotional impacts of loss on us while also acknowledging our inner resilience, strength, and capacity for healing. 

I have personally prioritised self-care throughout my grieving journey, even though it can be challenging due to low energy levels and the mental fog of grief. However, small steps can lead to significant changes. 

I hope that the self-care suggestions I have found beneficial during my journey will also assist you in transitioning from grieving to thriving. 

Mindfulness and meditation practices

For the grieving widow, mindfulness and meditation practices offer invaluable support in navigating the journey of loss. By cultivating present-moment awareness and gentle acceptance of our emotions, mindfulness allows us to find refuge amidst the turbulence of grief.  

We can create sacred spaces for self-reflection, self-compassion, and inner healing through meditation. These practices provide a pathway to quiet the mind, soothe the heart, and nurture resilience in the face of our profound loss.  

Grounding ourselves in the present moment can cultivate a sense of peace, clarity, and connection to our inner wisdom. This enables us to navigate the complexities of grief with more extraordinary grace and compassion for ourselves. 

Take some time to listen to soothing guided meditations and incorporate mindfulness exercises into your routine.  

Early in my journey, I discovered InsightTimer, an effective and powerful tool, especially since many meditations are free. I practised short meditations throughout the day depending on my emotions, feelings and anxiety levels.  

Gentle movement and exercise routines 

Engaging in regular movement and exercise can offer profound benefits on our grief journey. Physical activity has been shown to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that help alleviate stress, anxiety, and depression, providing a natural mood boost during difficult times.  

Exercise promotes better sleep quality, increases energy levels, and enhances overall well-being. For widows navigating the complexities of grief, the movement serves as a powerful tool for coping with emotional pain, reducing feelings of isolation, and fostering a sense of empowerment and control over our bodies and minds.  

Whether it's a brisk walk, a gentle yoga session, or a dance class, incorporating movement into our daily routine can help us find moments of solace, strength, and renewal amidst the challenges of mourning.  

Connect with nature and the outdoors.

Connecting with nature and engaging in outdoor activities can provide profound healing and solace for us in our grief journey. Nature offers a sanctuary of peace, beauty, and renewal, providing a gentle backdrop for processing emotions and finding moments of respite from the intensity of grief.  

Whether it's a stroll in the park, a hike in the mountains, or simply sitting by a tranquil lake, being in nature can evoke a sense of awe and connection to something greater than oneself. Outdoor activities allow us to breathe fresh air, soak in natural beauty, and ground ourselves in the present moment.  

These experiences can bring a sense of calmness, perspective, and rejuvenation, nurturing the soul and offering a gentle reminder that even amidst loss, there is still beauty and serenity in the world around us. 

During these times, I often feel a connection to my husband: a butterfly, a dragonfly, a robin, or even just a white feather floating gently to land on my palm. These moments are comforting. 

Self-compassion and Self-reflection 

During challenging times, it is important to prioritise self-care and kindness towards ourselves. Engaging in pursuits and exercises that promote self-compassion can benefit our emotional well-being. Take the time to reflect on your feelings, experiences, and growth through journaling. This practice can help you better understand yourself and foster acceptance, ultimately leading to healing and personal development.  

I became passionate about journaling about six months into my journey. It was a desperate time. I was feeling so discombobulated, and online research suggested journaling. Initially, I found it quite challenging. I began just pouring my heart out on paper. As time progressed and I researched more, I wanted my journaling to be more structured and focused, providing a result. I wasn't sure what that was, but I knew I needed to find out.

After much contemplation, I knew I needed prompting on what to write about. Widow brain or widow fog is accurate; I was in the middle of it. I spent the next year researching, documenting, and journaling, and at the same time, I put together a journal of guided prompts to support the grieving process. I later published that journal on Amazon KDP to aid and help others going through this horrific journey. The journal is available in multiple countries, which you can access here in my bookshop

If you are struggling with disturbed sleep, journalling in bed before attempting to settle in for the night can prove helpful in clearing the mind of those sometimes intrusive thoughts we all have. If you find journaling daunting, here are some prompts to guide you in starting your journey of self-discovery and healing.  

• Think about your emotions today. How does grief appear daily and affect your thoughts, actions, and relationships?  

• What things do you miss most about your loved one? Describe the impact of the loss of these on your life. 

• Reflect on a cherished memory of something you and your person shared and describe it and the feelings it invokes.  

• Where does your grief sit in your body? Write about where and how you feel your grief.   

• If you could tell your loved one about your day, what would you tell them?   

Creative expression and art therapy 

Creative expression and art therapy are powerful tools for navigating the complexities of loss and finding solace amidst sorrow. Through mediums such as painting, writing, or crafting, we can externalise our innermost thoughts and emotions, offering a tangible outlet for processing grief.  

Art provides safe and nonverbal communication, allowing us to express feelings that may be difficult to articulate verbally. Engaging in creative expression can also foster a sense of empowerment and agency, enabling us to reclaim control over our narrative and find a renewed sense of purpose.  

Additionally, art therapy offers a space for exploration, reflection, and self-discovery, helping us cultivate resilience and find healing amid profound loss. 

I found colouring therapy to be incredibly soothing. It was the only creative outlet that allowed me to relax, disconnect, and rest my brain from turbulent thoughts. There are countless adult colouring books available for purchase everywhere.  

Trying out various art forms can help you connect with your emotions and feel released. Don't hesitate to experiment with different techniques and materials to discover what works best for you. Remember, creating in itself can be just as beneficial as the finished product. 

Nourish our bodies

Nourishing our bodies with good food is paramount during grief and loss. While the emotional toll of grief can be overwhelming, taking care of our physical health plays a vital role in coping with the challenges we face. Eating nutritious meals provides the essential nutrients our bodies need to sustain energy levels, support immune function, and promote overall well-being during this difficult time.  

By prioritising wholesome foods rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, we fuel our bodies and nurture our minds and spirits. Good nutrition can help stabilise mood, improve sleep quality, and enhance resilience in adversity. By nourishing ourselves with care and intention, we honour the grief journey with strength, resilience, and a sense of renewal. 

Dealing with my loss was challenging at first. However, understanding the significance of nutrition in my healing process was a turning point. I discovered a helpful website full of simple, single-serving recipes. I began cooking at my own pace, occasionally preparing meals large enough for two portions and storing the leftovers in my freezer. Having a nutritious meal readily available to warm up on evenings when cooking felt overwhelming was incredibly beneficial. 

Connection and community support

In this grief journey, connecting with others and seeking community support holds immense significance. While grief can feel isolating and overwhelming, reaching out to others who understand and empathise with our experiences can provide invaluable comfort and solace.  

By sharing our stories, emotions, and struggles with a supportive community, we validate our feelings and find reassurance that we are not alone on this journey. Connecting with others who have walked a similar path can offer perspective, insights, and coping strategies that help us navigate the complexities of grief.  

Whether through support groups, online forums, or counselling services, seeking community support fosters a sense of belonging, understanding, and mutual care that helps us heal and find hope amidst the pain of loss. 

I have gathered all the information I learned about self-care during this journey and published a guide in a compact book, available here. I hope you may find it helpful on your journey.

Navigating Widow Brain and the Challenge of Reading in Early Grief

In the earliest days of my grief, I found myself grappling with what’s often called “widow brain fog.” This cognitive haze made it hard to focus, remember simple things, or even follow a conversation from start to finish. Reading, something I’d once taken comfort in, felt nearly impossible. I would start a page only to find my mind wandering, the words blurring together. Even the most straightforward sentences seemed overwhelming, like looking through a clouded lens.

Despite these struggles, I knew I needed guidance and understanding from people who had walked this path before me. There was a unique comfort in knowing that others who had been through similar experiences had documented their journeys. I craved their stories, insights, and wisdom – the knowledge only a fellow griever could provide. Yet accessing that information felt like trying to scale a wall that I didn’t have the strength to climb.

It was a strange paradox: I desperately wanted to learn how others had managed their grief, yet reading about their experiences felt daunting. What helped me through those days was finding resources explicitly tailored for grieving minds, written in ways that were easy to digest or broken down into manageable parts. Short chapters, bullet points, or guided journals became my companions because they didn’t demand more than I could give.

Looking back, I realise the value of those small steps in helping me regain my focus and sense of self. Widows and widowers who had shared their grief journeys, offering empathy, advice, and honesty, gave me a much-needed sense of community. They showed me that grief doesn’t have to be a solitary road, even when struggling to put one mental foot in front of the other.

I have listed some of the most helpful books I read on my recommendations page. They may be helpful for you, too. Book Recommendations